Cake and Shopping 🍰

It was a lot cooler today than it has been all week, so my friend and I took the opportunity to go out for sweets and a little bit of shopping! My friend wore a comfy coordinate with her Angelic Pretty Milkshake Circle Skirt and matching cutsew, and I wore my Moitié Frame Cross JSK. I should have worn a cutsew coordinate too...would have been much more comfortable. It was still a little warm, even with the breeze. I really need some more cotton tops for wearing lolita in the summer, but maybe I should hold off since autumn is around the corner.

We both had delicious mille crêpe cake with earl grey tea frosting, topped with lavender. For some reason the creperie wasn't serving drinks that day, so we got some cold drinks at a nearby Starbucks. This was my first time having a fancy desert since the pandemic began, so it was a really nice treat. I used to go to a cute patisserie with my boyfriend once a week. Having it delivered just isn't the same...

Afterwards, we walked around for a while and did a bit of shopping. I bought a cute sticker book! I have a huge collection of stickers. There are butterflies and flowers in every colour of the rainbow, as well as black and white! Can't wait to plaster them on everything, haha. There are apparently 1000+ stickers so it'll take some time to get through.

 We also took a few coord shots while we were out! I love the colourful backdrop of the graffiti. It was surprisingly quiet in the alley, when usually it's packed with tourists. The street was pretty busy, but I guess everyone was busy shopping rather than taking photos. Fine by me, since I hate cutting through there and being stopped every few moments by tourists wanting photos with the local colour.

JSK: Moi-même-Moitié Frame Cross JSK

Blouse: Metamorphose Egg Art Blouse

Headbow: Moi-même-Moitié Divine Cross Headbow

Nun Collar:  Moi-même-Moitié Nun Collar

Necklace: Luna Borgia

Socks:  Alice and the Pirates Lace Up Rose OTKs

Shoes: Yosuke

I really like how my coord shot came out! I haven't worn this dress in so long. I forgot how pretty and lightweight it is. Even though it's polyester, it's not too uncomfortable to wear in summer. I'm surprised that I don't see people wearing this piece more often!

[Current Music: Potochkine - Possédée]

Goodbye Coordinate: Rose Forest Lace OP

Whew, exams are over, so I can finally relax a little bit! Feels weird to just...not be studying.

I'm still in the process of closet cleaning, but I think I've cleared out most of the pieces that I'm tired of. I still have a few main pieces that I'm on the fence about, but I've sold off most of my unwanted blouses, purses, and accessories. I have a hard time letting go of items that I still really like, even if I'm not using them, so it was a bit difficult. It helped when I came up for pros/cons of keeping each individual item. I often didn't have any justifications for keeping an item other than "it's cute" and "it has sentimental value" so I'd recommend that method to anyone who is having trouble saying goodbye to pieces that they don't wear very much!

It's tough with Moi-même-Moitié in particular because older pieces are so coveted and so high in price that I know that if I change my mind on an item, I'll never get my hands on it for a reasonable price again. I collected most of my older, nicer pieces back when Moitié was at a low point. I remember balking if someone priced a choker or socks at over $25 because I knew I could get them for even cheaper. I should have bought more at the time, but I was also an intern on an intern salary. ┐(‘～`；)┌

Here's one of my goodbye coordinates with my Rose Forest Lace OP, which I bought from a friend who was unhappy with the fit. I really wanted to like this dress, but it just doesn't fit me well either. I don't fill out the top half and the waistline hits at a wider part of my torso, so it just looks baggy unless I'm wearing it with a corset or something to cinch the waist in. It sits a bit weirdly on my shoulders, too. That being said, it's super comfortable, even in this hot weather! 

Overall, I wouldn't recommend this dress to someone who is built like me with wide shoulders, a flat bust, and a shorter torso with a small waist. It'll just hang in weird places. You need a some curves to fill it out properly.

 

OP: Moi-même-Moitié Rose Forest Lace OP

Blouse: Moi-même-Moitié Holy Cross Collar Blouse

Corset: Sheglit Lace-Up Frill Corset

Blazer: Moi-même-Moitié Lace-Trimmed Jacket

Headdress: Moi-même-Moitié Coffin Lace Headdress

Choker:  Moi-même-Moitié Coffin Lace Choker

Necklace: Black Peace Now

Socks:  Moi-même-Moitié Lace Ribbon OTKs (2019)

Shoes: Antaina 

I can't justify keeping a pretty dress if it doesn't flatter me, even if I like everything else about it. But I ended up selling it to a local friend at the price I paid for it, so I'm very glad that it found a good home! Does anyone else have a hard time saying goodbye?

[Current Music: Vision Video - Inked in Red]

Window shopping, except I actually bought stuff

The weather has been spoiling some of my plans - the terrible air quality, humidity, crazy heat, and thunderstorms are all wreaking havoc on my allergies and asthma - but it's still been a pretty good time over here. I have lots of things to smile about. My exams are over, I secured a tattoo appointment, and I passed my second clinical evaluation!

My best friend took a job near me, so now we can hang out all the time. We've been getting together after work for dinner/drinks. We ate Mexican food last time!

I bought some new skate shoes, and I taught myself to ride switch on my longboard!

It feels so nice to just have a comfy, chill day to myself. I'm going to do some cleaning and laundry and put on Max Headroom and Aeon Flux in the background (all of the episodes are on Youtube now!) and then settle in with some nice skincare. Later tonight, I'm going to tune into an online synthwave/vaporwave/witchhouse event, Vaporgrave...all the good stuff! Super stoked! In the meantime, I'm just doing some online window shopping. I guess it's not really window shopping if I actually bought it...but then that disqualifies half of the things on this list. Oops.

A friend passed along a link to a pair of black Vivienne Westwood x Melissa Rocking Horse Shoes, which I bought immediately. I prefer the glossy look to the OG leather and wooden look for some reason. I sold my last pair because I mistakenly got a half size down and thought it would be okay. Normally this isn't too much of an issue for me since my feet are between sizes, but they must run small. My feet were bruised and numb after wearing them only once! The new ones are a half size up, so they should be comfy even with socks on. I'm so excited!

On the same topic of shoes, I also can't stop thinking about both of these shoes from Poison Shoes, a small Mexican shoe company that specializes in winklepickers and other trad goth footwear. The platforms are the Kasumi model and the flats are the Lilith model. I've worn a hole through my one pair of flats and the insoles have collapsed..my knees are also giving up after 15+ years of wearing heels every day, haha. They are pretty inexpensive, so I might pick up both pairs...but now that the RHS are in the mail, maybe I don't need the Kasumis. But they do come in red...⸜( ˙˘˙)⸝

I have too many damn shoes.

There's also a new Monster High collectible set coming out this week. I don't really have much space on my doll shelf anymore, but I really love Beetlejuice, so I'm going to try to snag them in the inevitable bloodbath. I'm really in it for Lydia - she's just so cute! It's so nice to see a doll with plain brown eyes, too. On the other hand, the Beetlejuice design is a little bit disappointing. I think they could have gone way crazier with the outfit and accessories..it just seems a little bland. The mismatched sandworm shoes are great, though. Maybe I'll change my mind when I see the dolls in person, but I'm likely going to sell Beetlejuice and keep Lydia.

I'm also very interested in this new Na+H dress. I love drapey, loose pieces like this, and the big collar is so cool and ninja-like! I've been wearing my natural hair up under a 30" Ariana Grande ponytail that I've bought several times since the pandemic began. During the height of the pandemic when I was still wearing scrubs every day, I didn't want my hair to be exposed but I still wanted to look a little cute. I think that hairstyle, or my favourite bob wig, would look really cute with the high collar. Or maybe double buns/puffs.

I like how they paired it with the Na+H pumps, which I do own and adore, but they obviously aren't great for daily wear. I wonder how it would look with my Frye Gia boots...too frumpy or would it look cool? I dunno, but I think I'm gonna pull the trigger and buy it.

Some other stuff: I've been listening to the new-ish Cyber Crimes EP from VR SEX on repeat lately. I'm a big fan of the band and their whole concept. A lot of their material focuses specifically on the pitfalls of modern life and technology, so it's a nice departure from the more traditionally goth subjects.

From the description:

"No one is exempt from the world wide web of destruction. A once-innocent digital playground has turned into a panopticon for pedophiles and predators - waiting, watching, baiting, and stalking. 2020 proved to be the tipping point in exposing these bloodsuckers within the world of music and art. Devoid of satire and sarcasm, Cyber Crimes stands alongside the victimized and attempts to serve as a sobering scene report for the current state of affairs."

The subject matter is pretty dark, but the EP is surprisingly upbeat-sounding and dancy. I love the contrast between dark lyrics and bouncy (well, bouncy by goth standards) music. I also really do appreciate that they chose to speak out about this topic. Unfortunately, myself and many others in my local goth community have had far, far too many run-ins with these kinds of predators, and seeing them get off scot-free by virtue of "but they're a DJ!!" or "but they host major events!!" is infuriating. It feels so validating to see this kind of bullshit called out, loud and clear.

Anyway, I'm mad because I didn't even know that it was released months ago on colourful vinyl (my weakness!!) so of course it's all been sold out by now. If you guys see the neon green record for sale, please let me know. I'll pay good money for it! In the meantime, I'm going to get the long-sleeve shirt because I still want to support them. I really love the print - definitely been feeling a little more into the futuristic/cyberpunk looks lately rather than trad goth.

I'm gonna need a second job if I keep this up...(*´∀｀*)

[Current Music: Then Comes Silence - Dark End]

2022 Cosplans!

As usual, it's been a busy month...I'm actually about to write an exam, and in the interest of trying to calm myself down I'm gonna write about my cosplay plans instead.

I haven't cosplayed since...I don't know, 2009ish? I had no money and no skills, and I was really into Team Fortress 2 at the time, so I put together some very simple cosplays of Scout and Soldier (thank you, Army Surplus store!). I wanted to do a female Medic cosplay, but I never finished it. And then I went off to university and my cosplay plans dried up, haha. I'm super excited to pick it up again! I'm not comfortable going to a convention just yet, but I figure things should settle down enough by next year. And that gives me lots of time to assemble my costume without having to deal with con crush.

I've settled on cosplaying my favourite video game protagonist from my favourite video game franchise, Commander Shepard Mass Effect! I'm going to base it off of one of the rejected designs for Mass Effect 3's Shepard. I love the mid-2000s edgy emo-Karen hybrid haircut and the dark makeup. I'm not sure if the bright red streak in her hair is just a reflection or if it's supposed to be an actual dyed streak, but I might just add it in because it's cute. Plus I already wear hazel contact lenses anyway, so that's one less thing to buy.

Overall, I picked this design because she looks cool, but also I would look pretty goofy with the official canon red hair, green eyes, and freckles. I also like the look of the classic black N7 Armour more than any of the other armour sets,  and it's so iconic and recognizable. Iconic to the point of  being overdone? Yes. Totally badass-looking? Also yes.

The most difficult part of the cosplay is going to be the bodysuit. It's supposed to be a heavy carbon fibre material, and I've found a few fabrics that would work well, but I'm not very good at sewing. I might just buy a bodysuit with a similar print, or a black PVC bodysuit (ugh, sweaty) since 90% of it will be covered up anyway. But the accuracy...I'm so torn on what to do haha. I'll guess I'll worry about that after I build the armour.

As for props, I decided on building a Black Widow sniper rifle. The Black Widow is also such a good, simple design that's straightforward to build. I love the futuristic look of the iconic Viper and Mantis rifles, as well as the Locust, but they're going to be a pain in the ass to build with all the curves and tiny little details. The Black Widow also looks huge and pretty impressive, so yeah. Laziness prevails.

I hope that with the release of the Legendary Edition we'll see a lot more Mass Effect cosplays again. A decade ago, you could throw a rock in a convention hall and be guaranteed to hit at least one Shepard cosplayer. It tapered off as the years went by, but I've seen tons of new players joining the fandom, as well as lots of old players returning. I would love to do a silly Into The Shepardverse photo if I can gather enough Shepards together!

Maybe I'll see you at a convention next year!

[Current Music: VR SEX - Rock N' Roll Death]

Visiting the Suomenlinna Toy Museum

Hello bats! I've been trying to dig up photos of my travels so that I can write some blog posts about some of the interesting places I've been. I recently came upon my folder of photos from my trip to Finland in 2018, so here's a blog post about my visit to Suomenlinna! Suomenlinna (meaning "Castle of Finland") is an 18th-century sea fortress located on a group of islands just off the coast of Helsinki. In order to get there you need to take a boat from the mainland, so we took a ferry. There were only a few other people on the ferry, which was a welcome change from the ferries in Toronto. Our ferries are always jammed with cyclists and people with giant strollers, and it's usually standing room only. The harbour was very pretty, too! It was so clean and bright, and I saw the biggest, buffest seagulls I'd ever seen in my life. Like...these seagulls must have been eating nothing but fish and protein powder.

After a 20-minute ferry ride, we arrived at the fortress of Suomenlinna. As soon as we arrived at the island dock, we realized why so few tourists had opted to visit that day. It was chilly, overcast, and the wind was blowing so hard that it was howling. Since the island is quite hilly and rocky in places, we opted to wear more comfortable coordinates with boots and cutsews, but I wish I'd brought a heavier jacket or gloves. I was starting to feel a little bit off that day (within a few days I was laid up in bed with possibly the worst cold and sinus infection I've ever had) and I don't think the weather on the island helped at all, haha. Helsinki in late September feels as cold as early November back home! (╯︵╰,) 

Despite the lousy weather, it was very beautiful, and I'm kind of happy that there weren't too many people, anyway. It's strange how a place so close to the mainland could feel so remote and isolated. It was very peaceful.

Anyway, we decided to explore the fortress a little bit. The buildings were all separated by walking paths. Even though the fortress isn't objectively very big, it felt huge by virtue of how empty it was and how isolated each group of buildings was. You could probably walk the whole area in a couple of hours or less. And since I was sick, I didn't really have the energy for walking that I normally would. I think it would have been a beautiful walk on a warm summer's day.

There were a lot of walking paths to guide visitors along to different There were a lot of interesting historical buildings along the main path. We saw a ship dry dock, a church, underground tunnels, and stone gates. There are also a few shops and houses. It reminded me a lot of the Toronto Islands. After a long while of walking, we came upon possibly the most suspicious sign I've ever seen. Seriously, they could have just written "free candy" on the sign and it would have looked less ominous. Against our better judgement, we followed the spooky sign and ended up at what appeared to be a house...

Park Meetup and Record Shopping!

Whew, this week has been an absolute mess. I'm completely swamped with work and I'm getting super behind in my clinical work, amongst other things, but at least I have a bit of good news: my Iron Gate order has shipped! I'm going to do a detailed review as soon as it's here. I forgot to mention that I ordered the matching socks, too. My missing seamail package finally turned up, too. I figured it was at the bottom of the ocean by now, since the tracking hadn't moved since April! It's going through customs now. The package was a bunch of summery stuff like a short-sleeved bolero and ankle socks, so it's kind of annoying that it's arriving just towards the latter half of summer...but I'm also just happy that it's in the country.

I also went to a small meetup at a park this weekend. I haven't seen my comm or most of my friends for well over a year at this point, so it was really nice to go to chill with people outside of work. I had a somewhat busy day ahead, so I didn't stay for too long, but it was still a lot of fun. We met up in the late morning and managed to get a picnic table in the shade (no small feat). Unfortunately the strap on my shoe broke as I was walking to the park, but I used one of the decorative safety pins I had on my bag to pin it back down. #justgoththings

I haven't walked around that area for a while, but I was pleasantly surprised at how lively it was. Shops were open and restaurant employees were setting up their patio furniture outside. Lots of people were walking around and shopping. Other neighbourhoods along that street look pretty bad right now with lots of graffiti, boarded-up windows, tent cities, and people sleeping rough on the street. The pandemic has done a number on the downtown area, but it's good to see things returning back to some form of normalcy. There was even a goth club night happening over the weekend!

Relaxing in the park was great! There were a couple of promo carts wheeling around the park and handing out samples. I got a tallboy of cider and two tiny bottles of flavoured whiskey, and a tiny can of ginger ale to mix. It's technically illegal to drink in the parks here, but I mean...come on. This park is the public drinking spot, so they totally know what they're doing. I saved mine for later, though - there were a lot of cops and guys in security uniforms around. Don't they have anything better to do on a Sunday morning? I wonder if the police presence had anything to do with the encampment that the city bulldozed there a little while back...seems like overkill to me.

After saying goodbye to my friends, I stopped at Sonic Boom. I wanted to browse but it was so crowded that it was hard to get around, even though they were limiting the number of people inside. The aisles are just so narrow and everyone was trying to keep separated, so I got inpatient waiting my turn to look at the different shelves haha. After I while I gave up on browsing and picked up a few little goodies that I had set aside for pickup: a Siouxsie and the Banshees pin, a Swans pin, and a Drab Majesty record. I love the clear yellow vinyl! I didn't even realize that this one was apparently from a limited run of 600. I don't have a lot of storage space for records, so I tend to only buy them if they're colourful or have cool extras included or something. The coloured vinyl looks so cool when it's playing.

I started listening to them a few years ago, maybe around 2015? I think it was right when Careless was released. I liked them, but I didn't get really into them or listen very often until a couple of years later. Now they're a mainstay on all of my goth playlists since I'm more into synthy stuff these days. My favourite Drab Majesty album is Modern Mirror, but the coloured vinyl was out of stock at the time, so I got The Demonstration instead. I love the cover art. The glass block walls really take me back!

I've really been enjoying softer, dreamier, synthy darkwave and post-punk lately. I've always enjoyed that particular style (Switchblade Symphony and Lycia are some of my favourite bands ever, and has been for many years) but lately I've been appreciating it a lot more, especially the newer bands. I've been listening to a lot of ACTORS, Traitrs, LEATHERS, and Kælan Mikla lately. There are so many good new bands that have popped up in the last few years now that this kind of sound is popular again.

I also think it's a really great entry point into goth for people who aren't familiar with the genre, too. It's a little bit more accessible and easy to listen to than a lot of post-punk, which I have to admit is a bit of an acquired taste. I can throw Drab Majesty or Soviet Soviet onto my office playlist and nobody would bat an eye, but I don't think Bauhaus or Nick Cave would go over so well...

Well actually, maybe it would - we do get an awful lot of goth or formerly-goth clients at my work!

Anyway, I added the Swans and Siouxsie pins I got to my Strawberry Switchblade tote bag. I think I'm pretty much done with it for now. It's looking a little bit crowded, but I've always liked having an obnoxious amount of pins and keychains on my bags. There are so many on this one that it rattles when I walk. This is the bag I took the emergency safety pin from to fix my shoe strap. Always gotta be prepared!

That's it for now...thanks for reading! Stay tuned for my Iron Gate review coming up in a week or so.

[Current Music: LEATHERS - Missing Scene]

Neo-Moitié: What Does the Future Hold for Moi-même-Moitié?

Note: I wrote the bulk of this piece in late 2018 but never published the post, so I've gone back and revised some of my opinions as my feelings have definitely changed over the past 3 years. Brace yourselves, it's a long one...

Back in 2017, Tanaqro, the parent company of Wunderwelt, announced that it had acquired Moi-même-Moitié and spared it from the slow, quiet death that has claimed so many Japanese gothic and lolita brands in the past few years; Putumayo and Black Peace Now have already closed, with Mary Magdalene possibly on the chopping block. h.Naoto closed all of its physical stores in Japan. Big shifts in the lolita market and retail in general were putting pressure on these brands, but the pandemic has only accelerated the rate of decline. I expect to see at least a few more brands go out of business or start to wind things down within the next few years. And with so many established lolita brands closing their doors, I'm grateful that Moitié is still with us, even though I'm still a bit unsure about the direction they're taking.

As someone who got into lolita fashion purely because of an interest in goth, Japan, and Mana, I have really mixed feelings about the brand post-acquisition, but a lot of hope, too. These are my honest thoughts and feelings about what I like to call "Neo-Moitié" and the future of the brand.

Happy World Goth Day 2021!

Hello bats...wishing you all a healthy, happy, and safe World Goth Day 2021! I always thought it was a little bit cruel that WGD is in May...every May 22nd, without fail, it's stupidly hot and humid out here. Spring and summer are especially hard on goths! I don't have air conditioning, so I'm melting even though I haven't left the house. According to the thermostat, it's 29°C in my bedroom, so the last thing I wanted to do was do my makeup and hair. Can't even open the window because of the pollen apocalypse outside. Sigh.

At least my pajamas are kinda festive? I'm in spiderweb-print leggings and a Beetlejuice shirt. And I looked cute at work the other day, too. I don't have a lot of summer clothes so I was kinda scrambling to find something wearable - it was 34°C that day! I bought a cute Kuromi insulated bottle so that I could carry cold drinks to work. Can't wait until Starbucks starts letting us use our own bottles and tumblers again!

Not too much has been happening these days, but I do have a piece of exciting news: I got my second dose of the vaccine on Wednesday! No side effects other than tiredness and a sore arm, just like the first dose. The doctor made sure to avoid my tattoo, which was very considerate. Not sure if vaccination can disrupt a healed tattoo at all, but I don't want to take any chances since the shops aren't open for touch-ups. As soon as they reopen, I'm going in to get some more work done. I have a few things in mind right now: I want a Patrick Nagel-styled portrait, a vampire castle, an ankh, and a butterfly.

I'm on a no-buy since I'm saving up for the tattoos, I need new work clothes...and I also want to buy a condo. Not to mention, I still have tuition to pay. My closet is stuffed to bursting, too. So I'm trying to limit my purchases to replacements of things that have worn out, or things that I absolutely need.

For instance, the tote bag I've been carrying every day for about 5 years has finally started to wear out, so I lucked out when I found a used Strawberry Switchblade tote bag on Mercari! Isn't it cute? It's a little faded, but otherwise in good condition. It arrived a few days ago, and I've been decorating it with pins and things. I've ordered a few band pins and patches to decorate the right side of the bag. I'm also going to add snaps along the top so that I can close the bag.

Speaking of recent purchases...the other thing I purchased recently is...a longboard! As a young kid I was obsessed with Tony Hawk, Thrasher, X-Games...I even used to skateboard little bit, but I was never really any good. I cruised (well, wobbled) clumsily around the neighbourhood and I couldn't even ollie. I sort of bought it on a whim. I've always hated commuting by public transit (too slow, too crowded), but it's gotten markedly worse since the pandemic started. I've seen so many people nodding off, shooting up, fighting, flashing, and worse on the subway and streetcar that I only take it if I absolutely need to. Plus, a lot of people still refuse to wear masks or keep their distance. I have to get off the streetcar/train and either walk or wait for the next one so often that I figured I might as well find a better way to commute. So I picked up the Rayne Future Killer 35"! It's a downhill/freeride board, so that should be good for riding my hilly commute.

I strapped on my helmet and pads and headed over to a nearby park with a big parking lot. There were tons of kids around, and I even saw a teen girl skateboarding around. I remember getting picked on as a kid for being tomboyish and liking skateboarding, and the boys were pretty mean and dismissive towards skater girls, so it's cool to see girls still taking it up. It's been fun so far! I'm not very good, so I've been trying to practice a little every day after work. I got a little too confident on day 3 and decided to hit the streets where I tried to take a tiny hill, tried to bail, and slammed my shoulder into the pavement. So back to taking baby steps at the parking lot, haha! At least the view is nice.

Anyway, that's it for my boring life update. Time to get back to video editing, since I did sort of plan on uploading a few things before ditching my channel for good. Thanks for reading, and see you soon!

[Current Music: Siouxsie and the Banshees - Slowdive]

Closet Cleaning ✨

My office is moving locations, so it's been a very busy couple of weeks for me! I spent the last couple of weeks hauling boxes around and cleaning the new office space. My allergies and asthma are teaming up to kick my ass since I've been huffing tree pollen and drywall dust for the past few days, and my hands are cracked and covered in scrapes. I'm really not cut out for physical labour.

It was my first weekend in a long time where I had both Saturday and Sunday off. Initially, I planned on lazing around the house and tuning in to the parts of the Gothicat Festival that I missed, but I ended up doing some closet cleaning instead. It feels cathartic to get rid of these pieces that I'm not using, even if I like them or think they're pretty. I'd rather that they go to a new home where they can be worn and appreciated. Most of the pieces went to friends, so I feel good sending them off. I cleared out a ton of blouses and dresses, and I'm still only halfway done.

Also, I like to make "goodbye" coordinates when I sell items that I like, so here's a few!

First, I sold my Holy Queen skirt, and twinned with myself! Holy Queen is a weird piece for me. I've had it in both the skirt and JSK in every single colourway, and I just...I dunno. I want to like it, but it never seems to work out for me. I always end up selling it. I really thought the skirt in this colourway was the final one, but I'm just not feeling it. The skirt cut is lovely and very flattering (the JSK looked awful on me), but I rarely find myself reaching for it. Time to go.

As a side note, how are we feeling about this blouse? I love this blouse under JSKs, but the way it clings and wrinkles up makes it look terrible with a skirt.

I also came to the conclusion that I don't look good in sweet, so I made the difficult decision to sell off most of my Baby, The Stars Shine Bright collection. I love these dresses and prints, but I don't love them on me, if that makes sense. I just feel a little bit awkward and silly in pieces like these...I don't really know how to be cute.

"Cute Meowing Friend" Alice and Her Black Cat JSK was one of my dream dresses when I was a wee baby lolita at heart, lurking on the EGL Livejournal community. I was (and still am) a huge fan of Alice in Wonderland, and Baby has the best Alice prints bar none. It's still one of my favourite Baby prints overall...I just don't feel like this style suits me at all.

Sleeping Alice is another favourite print of mine. To be honest, I'm still on the fence about this one...I really like the print, and I feel like I could coordinate it in a less cutesy way. Not sure about if I'm going to keep this cardigan, too. It's not aggressively sweet so I think it'll still fit in with the rest of my wardrobe. I'll probably hold onto both if them for a little while longer before I decide on it.

Back to wardrobe pruning for now...

[Current Music: Drab Majesty - Ellipsis]

Cherry Blossoms!

Today I went for my usual Sunday walk in the park, even though the weather wasn't so great. It was cold, cloudy, and extremely windy and by the time I got there I sort of regretting going out...until I realized that the cherry blossoms had bloomed! I guess I haven't really been paying much attention to the calendar these days, since every day feels exactly the same - go to work, go straight home, repeat ad nauseam. I didn't even realize that it was almost May...

I wore a very simple all-Moitié coordinate for my walk. I didn't bring my tripod or anything with me since I wasn't anticipating that I'd be taking photos, but I did get a few nice snaps of the flowers. It was a nice little mood booster!

I totally forgot I had this skirt until I found it at the back of my closet a few days ago. I haven't worn it in years!!

[Current Music: Acryl Madness - Become the Witness]

Lurker and Strange Perfumery Review

Hello bats! Today I'm going to be reviewing a recent purchase from Lurker and Strange Perfumery, a small business that sells hand-blended perfume oils made with natural, vegan-friendly ingredients. The scents are inspired by Wicca, witchcraft, mythological figures, and the like. The perfume oils are made in a historical concentration that isn't widely used anymore called esprit de parfum. This class of perfumes contains ~40% aromatic ingredients, so they last much longer and don't need to be applied in large amounts.

I had a really hard time picking which scents I wanted, so I had to pare down my original order of like 10 bottles to 4. I ended up choosing 1mL bottles of Brimstone, Ostara, Aura, and Dragon's Blood ($6.50 CDN each), and I also received a free sample of Brigid's Wisdom! Really good value for the money here.

Tiny little bottles!

The crystal decorations on each bottle are so cute!

I placed my order on April 3rd, and it was shipped out by lettermail on April 5th - very quick turnaround. The parcel arrived on my doorstep on the 14th. The shop is located in the same province as me, but the pandemic is seriously interfering with local delivery times. Anyways, let's have a look at what's inside the package...

Brimstone ("spiced cocoa, caramel, smokey vanilla") is a really interesting scent! It smells like fragrant smoke and spicy hot chocolate with a little caramel underneath. The vanilla notes is light but still noticeable, especially after the top notes of smoke fade away. It reminds me a little bit of Tom Ford Noir de Noir, which I'm also a huge fan of - and this is like 10 times cheaper! Brimstone is the perfect name for this fragrance. I think it's best suited for autumn or winter. It had great longevity through the day and faded to a nice, lightly spicy smoke scent with a little bit of dark chocolate.

Fun fact: Ostara is one of the Wiccan Sabbat holidays celebrated on March 21st at the Spring Equinox. The word Ostara comes from Ēostre, a Germanic pagan goddess of spring and dawn. The word "Easter" comes from Ēostre, too!

Ostara ("sweet rose buds, juicy apple, ripe melon, plumeria, raspberry") is a delicate, girly spring floral. It smelled very strongly of apple candy and sweet rose when first applied, with the apple settling down quickly to make way for the florals. There's a raspberry scent underlying it all, but I couldn't really detect the melon note at all. It's mature and feminine, but still very sweet. I quite like this scent, even though it's not what I'd usually go for in a perfume. It's a very elegant scent and I'm...not, so I'm going to give this one to my mom instead. The longevity on me wasn't as good, but the scent didn't change too much throughout the day either.

Aura ("lychee, rose, honey plum, white patchouli") is another feminine floral scent, this time fruity instead of floral. And it's soooo fruity! It smelled like straight up lychee when I first applied it. It quickly faded to reveal the rose and plum, and the patchouli started to come through within minutes. It ended up being a rather subtly fruity type of scent on me, and lasted a long time too! The pajamas I was wearing still smelled like it the next day. I can definitely see this becoming one of my everyday scents.

I also ordered their take on Dragon's Blood ("damask rose, cloves and spices, bourbon vanilla, black patchouli"), an iconic scent that every goth who lived through the 90s will instantly recognize. You know how they say that scent is the sense that is most strongly linked to memories? This scent immediately transported me back to the neighbourhood Wiccan shop I used to frequent as a teenager. It smelled of incense, dusty books, and patchouli with the sweetness of roses and just a little bit of vanilla underneath. So nostalgic and lovely! This perfume oil had the best staying power of all, even though the scent became softer and lost its incense notes by the end of the day.

They also included a free sample of Brigid's Wisdom ("candied strawberries, tart rhubarb, warm amber, sensual musk") which sounds like something I'd enjoy based on the description. I liked the scent in the bottle, but unfortunately, this one just didn't agree with my body chemistry at all for some reason! I got faint strawberry candy and rhubarb notes, but it smelled oddly plasticky on me. Still, I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the shop including a sample, especially because my order was so small.

I also received a discount code for my next order. I definitely plan on purchasing more since I'm incredibly pleased with what I've gotten so far - lovely scents and great service! The price point is If you like witchy scents, they have a wide variety of scents to choose from.

Thanks so much for reading!

[Current Music: Delphine Coma - Tension]

Sucker Punch is a Weird Film

Happy Easter, everyone! Can't wait for that chocolate to go on clearance tomorrow. Anyway, convoluted story ahead: 

I was listening to Lords of Acid and I found a music video for the movie Sucker Punch, which featured an instrumental version of their song Crablouse. As an aside, please don't look up anything related to Lords of Acid at work unless you want to get fired. Anyway, I remember when Sucker Punch was released back in 2011 and people kept recommending it to me because on paper it had all of the things I liked - spooky insane asylum theme, pretty girls kicking ass, Emilie Autumn steampunky/Victorian/whatever aesthetic, fantasy elements, lots of schlocky goodness - but I never actually watched it. The reviews were terrible, too, so I'm glad I didn't see it in theatres. I did get the soundtrack, though! It's awesome.

Instead of studying for my exams, I put the movie on while I cleaned my house. I'm not sure what to think of it, to be perfectly honest. It has an interesting premise, but the execution is...ehhh. 

 Visually, the movie is stunning, and as I said before, the soundtrack is great. Some of the effects look dated and uncanny in the same way that all CGI-heavy movies do, but the grungy vintage-inspired environments are imaginative and awesome. I really loved the dream-within-a-dream concept, the look of the rundown asylum, and all of the crazy scenarios they ended up in. Dragons? Samurai? Mechs? Steampunk robo-Nazis? This movie has it all! Except for a coherent plot, sensible dialogue and character development.

It's really obvious when a man is writing a supposedly "empowering" film featuring "strong female characters" (every time I see those words I want to scream) because the over the top "grrl power!!!" elements always come across as hollow. Yes, it's a female character being a badass, she's still being portrayed as a sex object, and the target audience is straight men, not us. It's so one-note. I'm not saying that strong female characters have to be ugly and frumpy in order to be valid...it's just that it takes more than being hot and violent to make a strong female character. The characters have no actual character, personality, or motivations outside of being hot and violent. None of the emotional or tense moments hit home because the characters are really just vehicles for cool fight sequences and battle lingerie. But nobody is watching this for the plot, right?

Aside from that, the overt sexualization of the patients and the weird brothel theme, knowing full well that real mental institutions were rife with cases of sexual abuse, just feels kinda off to me...especially considering that victims of sexual abuse would be institutionalized for showing any inconvenient symptoms of trauma. The movie doesn't ignore that fact, but brothel thing feels like it was played too straight. Was it trying to be some kind of commentary by being completely over the top? If there was an underlying message about the oversexualization and objectification of women, then I guess I missed it among the gratuitous panty shots.

I absolutely love the costuming (the bejewelled seifuku!!!) and character design choices in a vacuum, but the context makes it a little weird. I mean, I like girls, and I like watching pretty girls doing cool stuff.  I just feel like in Sucker Punch, it sort of missed the mark. It's enjoyable as long as you turn your brain off - there's absolutely no shame in wanting to see a fantasy action movie featuring hot girls parading around in silly outfits as long as there are no illusions that it's anything deeper than that.

I've always been fascinated with the history of medicine and psychiatry, especially psychiatric hospitals. I'm glad I was born when I was - my generation has a far better attitude towards mental health than my parents' did. As a member of the glitchy brain club, had I been born 50 years earlier, I very well may have ended up in a psychiatric facility.

I have a little collection of old medical illustrations and psychiatric medication ads. Everyone cracks up at the ones from the early 1900s that were basically just telling you to buy speedballs to put a little pep in your step, but I find that the mid-century ones are by far the most disturbing. The clean, minimalist  pastel graphical styles and illustrations juxtaposed with the cold, clinical, almost dehumanizing text was really jarring to me.

I'm particularly fond of these unsettling black-and-white ads from the 1960s and 1970s. They look like they could be horror movie posters.

They didn't even try to hide the fact that they believed that ADHD should be defined by how inconvenient you are to others.

Side effects may include hallucinations.

Not sure how I feel about psychiatric patients being depicted as enemy combatants...

 

So after all that, in keeping with the theme, I decided that I wanted to do a spooky nurse coordinate with my Violet Fane Asylum skirt.

Blouse: Atelier Pierrot

Apron: Lief

Skirt: Violet Fane

Hat: Gothlolicloset

Tights: Violet Fane

Bag: Vivienne Westwood

Shoes: Na+H

Accessories: Violet Fane, Lief, Victorian Maiden

 

I haven't worn lolita since...November, I think? It's the longest break from the fashion I've ever taken. Granted, it's less of a "break" and more a case of extenuating circumstances - it's not like I don't want to wear lolita anymore, I just really don't have many opportunities to. I'm getting my second dose of vaccine in July so hopefully I'll be able to go to (socially distanced and masked) meetups with vaccinated friends soon. I miss having a life!

 

I also wanted to share some selfies. Today's makeup look clocked in at 8 minutes, half because I want trying to see how fast I could do a passable blended eyeshadow look, and half because I was too lazy to keep going. Turns out it's sort of hard to speedrun your makeup, especially when you don't have contacts on.

 

Anyhow, that's it for now. Hang in there, everybody!

[Current Music: Depeche Mode - Behind the Wheel]

Back from the Dead

Wow, it's been a minute since I last posted, huh?

I was called back into work on June 1st after about 10 weeks off, so I didn't get much of a break. But I really enjoyed being able to wear lolita at home or just walking around the neighbourhood, even though everything was closed and I couldn't visit anyone. After returning to work I tried to keep wearing lolita and fun clothes regularly, but it just got too exhausting. After coming home I immediately strip off my scrubs and put all my work stuff in a separate area, shower, eat, and prep my things for the next day...by the time I finish it's usually around 8PM, and the absolute last thing I want to do after a long day is do my hair and makeup just for a video chat or an outfit shot. Plus, it starts getting too dark for evening photos here in like...September. It makes me so sad to see my closet gathering dust.

A couple of other things happened, too. I don't like to get overly personal here (which I suppose is a bit weird, considering that this is a personal blog) so here's the summary: I'm working full-time while attending college, some personal and family health stuff going on...caring for others while needing a little bit of TLC yourself kinda sucks. I just need to decompress when I get home, so I've been rewatching some beloved TV series and replaying my favourite old games. Buffy, Star Trek, Fallout: New Vegas, and Mass Effect are largely responsible for getting me through this pandemic.

There's also that whole trying-not-to-die thing. I'm not immunocompromised, but the people I live with are, and I have heart and lung issues. And, you know, working in a high-risk profession and commuting via public transit. My driver's license is also under a medical suspension (not that I could afford to park downtown anyway, mind you), but I can't get it reinstated because the test I need has been deferred indefinitely due to the pandemic. 

Oh, and I have to get all my wisdom teeth pulled out at the ripe old age of 29. Don't most people get that done in high school?!

So that was a whole lot of whining, but I'm actually feeling very good about things, for the most part. I have sought help for my longstanding mental health issues - probably about 15 years overdue, but better late than never! I got my hands on some gorgeous new (well, old) lolita pieces, my finances are in great shape, I have thoroughly kicked my "I'm sad so I'm going to buy stuff to fill the void" habit, and I'm doing extremely well in my college courses. Positive vibes all around!

A pile of Kuromi stuff I bought when I was sad to fill the void. Justified, because it was my birthday.

One other bit of good news: apparently the provincial government now considers me to be a frontline healthcare worker (I think our professional association leaned on them a little bit), so I'm in line to get the vaccine soon-ish...? I hope? I think once that's taken care of, my priorities will change from simply avoiding dying to actually having fun with fashion and silly stuff again.

Taking a step back has also given me some time to reflect. I've also been considering leaving my local lolita community as well as the greater online lolita community. This wasn't triggered by any single event, and I don't have any major issues with anyone in particular...I just feel like these spaces have run their course for me, and I'm more comfortable interacting with the people in my close circle. Seeing how some lolitas (and people in general) have been acting out online because they're broke, bored, and jobless under quarantine just makes me want to run far, far away. I simply don't have the time or patience to entertain the absolute circus that is the online lolita community anymore - I'm too employed for this shit, you know?

It's also given me some time to evaluate my closet a little bit. I will always be loyal to Moitié, but I'm also more interested in trying out a few other brands and styles of gothic just to change things up a little bit. I've always really liked military and nurse themes, even outside of lolita, because I am like every other stereotypically edgy goth/industrial kid. I'm really hoping to get a few military Boz pieces, and a few more Boz pieces in general. And to make room for the new stuff, I'll need to purge my closet, so I'll announce when I'm closet cleaning.

 

A few of my purchases from the past few months. I can't wait to coordinate them!

To continue on the topic of self-reflection...I like blogging, since journalling has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I started a YouTube channel because at the time I had no goth friends, and I wanted to interact with the goth community on YouTube. It was definitely a lot smaller and friendlier back then. I started making lolita fashion videos because there weren't really many other gothic lolitas on YouTube, and I was bored. My channel grew quite a bit more than I expected, which was kind of cool, but quickly became overwhelming. I'm not a particularly good videographer and I tend to just ramble on and on and on, so I'm not exactly sure why people kept watching, but here we are - I'm at almost 20,000 subscribers.

So it turns out that I actually don't really like being in the spotlight very much. I'm not one to take harsh criticism to heart, but even when you generally get a lot of positive feedback, sometimes the nasty comments get to you. But that's not really the thing that bothers me - it's the people who try to dissect your entire life and personality based on how you present yourself in a short video. Seeing people speculating on anything and everything about my personal life was sort of funny at first (according to one comment, I'm 6' tall and a total bitch at meetups) but quickly became profoundly uncomfortable, and it makes me not want to share anything personal or deeper than surface-level.

I'm thinking of ending it for good. I have quite a few videos in the works I'd like to finish, so it won't be soon or anything...but much like the online lolita community, it's run its course for me. It's been a good ride, but I prefer quietly blogging about my adventures instead. It's easier to be low-key, and I like my privacy.

Anyway, it's about time to wrap things up. Thanks for reading, and for sticking around for this long!

[Current Music: Solemn Novena - Missa Solemnis]