I wore a very simple all-Moitiรฉ coordinate for my walk. I didn't bring my tripod or anything with me since I wasn't anticipating that I'd be taking photos, but I did get a few nice snaps of the flowers. It was a nice little mood booster!
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| I totally forgot I had this skirt until I found it at the back of my closet a few days ago. I haven't worn it in years!! |
[Current Music: Acryl Madness - Become the Witness]
I had a really hard time picking which scents I wanted, so I had to pare down my original order of like 10 bottles to 4. I ended up choosing 1mL bottles of Brimstone, Ostara, Aura, and Dragon's Blood ($6.50 CDN each), and I also received a free sample of Brigid's Wisdom! Really good value for the money here.
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| Tiny little bottles! |
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| The crystal decorations on each bottle are so cute! |
Brimstone ("spiced cocoa, caramel, smokey vanilla")
is a really interesting scent! It smells like fragrant smoke and spicy
hot chocolate with a little caramel underneath. The vanilla notes is
light but still noticeable, especially after the top notes of smoke fade
away. It reminds me a little bit of Tom Ford Noir de Noir, which I'm
also a huge fan of - and this is like 10 times cheaper! Brimstone is the
perfect name for this fragrance. I think it's best suited for autumn or
winter. It had great longevity through the day and faded to a nice, lightly spicy smoke scent with a little bit of dark chocolate.
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| Fun fact: Ostara is one of the Wiccan Sabbat holidays celebrated on March 21st at the Spring Equinox. The word Ostara comes from ฤostre, a Germanic pagan goddess of spring and dawn. The word "Easter" comes from ฤostre, too! |
Ostara ("sweet rose buds, juicy apple, ripe melon, plumeria, raspberry") is a delicate, girly spring floral. It smelled very strongly of apple candy and sweet rose when first applied, with the apple settling down quickly to make way for the florals. There's a raspberry scent underlying it all, but I couldn't really detect the melon note at all. It's mature and feminine, but still very sweet. I quite like this scent, even though it's not what I'd usually go for in a perfume. It's a very elegant scent and I'm...not, so I'm going to give this one to my mom instead. The longevity on me wasn't as good, but the scent didn't change too much throughout the day either.
Aura ("lychee, rose, honey plum, white patchouli") is another feminine floral scent, this time fruity instead of floral. And it's soooo fruity! It smelled like straight up lychee when I first applied it. It quickly faded to reveal the rose and plum, and the patchouli started to come through within minutes. It ended up being a rather subtly fruity type of scent on me, and lasted a long time too! The pajamas I was wearing still smelled like it the next day. I can definitely see this becoming one of my everyday scents.
They also included a free sample of Brigid's Wisdom ("candied strawberries, tart rhubarb, warm amber, sensual musk") which sounds like something I'd enjoy based on the description. I liked the scent in the bottle, but unfortunately, this one just didn't agree with my body chemistry at all for some reason! I got faint strawberry candy and rhubarb notes, but it smelled oddly plasticky on me. Still, I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the shop including a sample, especially because my order was so small.
I also received a discount code for my next order. I definitely plan on purchasing more since I'm incredibly pleased with what I've gotten so far - lovely scents and great service! The price point is If you like witchy scents, they have a wide variety of scents to choose from.
Thanks so much for reading!
[Current Music: Delphine Coma - Tension]
Happy Easter, everyone! Can't wait for that chocolate to go on clearance tomorrow. Anyway, convoluted story ahead:
I was listening to Lords of Acid and I found a music video for the movie Sucker Punch, which featured an instrumental version of their song Crablouse. As an aside, please don't look up anything related to Lords of Acid at work unless you want to get fired. Anyway, I remember when Sucker Punch was released back in 2011 and people kept recommending it to me because on paper it had all of the things I liked - spooky insane asylum theme, pretty girls kicking ass, Emilie Autumn steampunky/Victorian/whatever aesthetic, fantasy elements, lots of schlocky goodness - but I never actually watched it. The reviews were terrible, too, so I'm glad I didn't see it in theatres. I did get the soundtrack, though! It's awesome.
Instead of studying for my exams, I put the movie on while I cleaned my house. I'm not sure what to think of it, to be perfectly honest. It has an interesting premise, but the execution is...ehhh.
It's really obvious when a man is writing a supposedly
"empowering" film featuring "strong female characters" (every time I see those words I want to scream) because the over the top "grrl power!!!" elements always come across as hollow. Yes, it's a female character being a badass, she's still being portrayed as a sex object, and the target audience is straight men, not us. It's so one-note. I'm not saying that strong female characters have to be ugly and frumpy in order to be valid...it's just that it takes more than being hot and violent to make a strong female character. The characters have no actual character, personality, or motivations outside of being hot and violent. None of the emotional or tense moments hit home because the characters are really just vehicles for cool fight sequences and battle lingerie. But nobody is watching this for the plot, right?
Aside from that, the overt sexualization of the patients and the weird brothel theme, knowing full well that real mental institutions were rife with cases of sexual abuse, just feels kinda off
to me...especially considering that victims of sexual abuse would be institutionalized for showing any inconvenient symptoms of trauma. The movie doesn't ignore that fact, but brothel thing feels like it was played too straight. Was it trying to be some kind of commentary by being completely over the top? If there was an underlying message about the oversexualization and objectification of women, then I guess I missed it among the gratuitous panty shots.
I absolutely love the costuming (the bejewelled seifuku!!!) and character design choices in a vacuum, but the context makes it a little weird. I mean, I like girls, and I like watching pretty girls doing cool stuff. I just feel like in Sucker Punch, it sort of missed the mark. It's enjoyable as long as you turn your brain off - there's absolutely no shame in wanting to see a fantasy action movie featuring hot girls parading around in silly outfits as long as there are no illusions that it's anything deeper than that.
I've always been fascinated with the history of medicine and psychiatry, especially psychiatric hospitals. I'm glad I was
born when I was - my generation has a far better attitude towards mental
health than my parents' did. As a member of the glitchy brain club, had I been born 50 years earlier, I very
well may have ended up in a psychiatric facility.
I have a little collection of old medical illustrations and psychiatric medication ads. Everyone cracks up at the ones from the early 1900s that were basically just telling you to buy speedballs to put a little pep in your step, but I find that the mid-century ones are by far the most disturbing. The clean, minimalist pastel graphical styles and illustrations juxtaposed with the cold, clinical, almost dehumanizing text was really jarring to me.
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| They didn't even try to hide the fact that they believed that ADHD should be defined by how inconvenient you are to others. |
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| Side effects may include hallucinations. |
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| Not sure how I feel about psychiatric patients being depicted as enemy combatants... |
So after all that, in keeping with the theme, I decided that I wanted to do a spooky nurse coordinate with my
Violet Fane Asylum skirt.
[Current Music: Depeche Mode - Behind the Wheel]
Wow, it's been a minute since I last posted, huh?
I was called back into work on June 1st after about 10 weeks off, so I didn't get much of a break. But I really enjoyed being able to wear lolita at home or just walking around the neighbourhood, even though everything was closed and I couldn't visit anyone. After returning to work I tried to keep wearing lolita and fun clothes regularly, but it just got too exhausting. After coming home I immediately strip off my scrubs and put all my work stuff in a separate area, shower, eat, and prep my things for the next day...by the time I finish it's usually around 8PM, and the absolute last thing I want to do after a long day is do my hair and makeup just for a video chat or an outfit shot. Plus, it starts getting too dark for evening photos here in like...September. It makes me so sad to see my closet gathering dust.
A couple of other things happened, too. I don't like to get overly personal here (which I suppose is a bit weird, considering that this is a personal blog) so here's the summary: I'm working full-time while attending college, some personal and family health stuff going on...caring for others while needing a little bit of TLC yourself kinda sucks. I just need to decompress when I get home, so I've been rewatching some beloved TV series and replaying my favourite old games. Buffy, Star Trek, Fallout: New Vegas, and Mass Effect are largely responsible for getting me through this pandemic.
There's also that whole trying-not-to-die thing. I'm not immunocompromised, but the people I live with are, and I have heart and lung issues. And, you know, working in a high-risk profession and commuting via public transit. My driver's license is also under a medical suspension (not that I could afford to park downtown anyway, mind you), but I can't get it reinstated because the test I need has been deferred indefinitely due to the pandemic.
Oh, and I have to get all my wisdom teeth pulled out at the ripe old age of 29. Don't most people get that done in high school?!
So that was a whole lot of whining, but I'm actually feeling very good about things, for the most part. I have sought help for my longstanding mental health issues - probably about 15 years overdue, but better late than never! I got my hands on some gorgeous new (well, old) lolita pieces, my finances are in great shape, I have thoroughly kicked my "I'm sad so I'm going to buy stuff to fill the void" habit, and I'm doing extremely well in my college courses. Positive vibes all around! |
| A pile of Kuromi stuff I bought when I was sad to fill the void. Justified, because it was my birthday. |
One other bit of good news: apparently the provincial government now considers me to be a frontline healthcare worker (I think our professional association leaned on them a little bit), so I'm in line to get the vaccine soon-ish...? I hope? I think once that's taken care of, my priorities will change from simply avoiding dying to actually having fun with fashion and silly stuff again.
Taking a step back has also given me some time to reflect. I've also
been considering leaving my local lolita community as well as the
greater online lolita community. This wasn't triggered by any single
event, and I don't have any major issues with anyone in particular...I
just feel like these spaces have run their course for me, and I'm more
comfortable interacting with the people in my close circle. Seeing how some
lolitas (and people in general) have been acting out online because
they're broke, bored, and jobless under quarantine just makes me want to
run far, far away. I simply don't have the time or patience to
entertain the absolute circus that is the online lolita community anymore - I'm
too employed for this shit, you know?
It's also given me some time to evaluate my closet a little bit. I will always be loyal to Moitiรฉ, but I'm also more interested in trying out a few other brands and styles of gothic just to change things up a little bit. I've always really liked military and nurse themes, even outside of lolita, because I am like every other stereotypically edgy goth/industrial kid. I'm really hoping to get a few military Boz pieces, and a few more Boz pieces in general. And to make room for the new stuff, I'll need to purge my closet, so I'll announce when I'm closet cleaning.
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| A few of my purchases from the past few months. I can't wait to coordinate them! |
To continue on the topic of self-reflection...I like blogging, since journalling has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I started a YouTube channel because at the time I had no goth friends, and I wanted to interact with the goth community on YouTube. It was definitely a lot smaller and friendlier back then. I started making lolita fashion videos because there weren't really many other gothic lolitas on YouTube, and I was bored. My channel grew quite a bit more than I expected, which was kind of cool, but quickly became overwhelming. I'm not a particularly good videographer and I tend to just ramble on and on and on, so I'm not exactly sure why people kept watching, but here we are - I'm at almost 20,000 subscribers.
So it turns out that I actually don't really like being in the spotlight very much. I'm not one to take harsh criticism to heart, but even when you generally get a lot of positive feedback, sometimes the nasty comments get to you. But that's not really the thing that bothers me - it's the people who try to dissect your entire life and personality based on how you present yourself in a short video. Seeing people speculating on anything and everything about my personal life was sort of funny at first (according to one comment, I'm 6' tall and a total bitch at meetups) but quickly became profoundly uncomfortable, and it makes me not want to share anything personal or deeper than surface-level.
I'm thinking of ending it for good. I have quite a few videos in the works I'd like to finish, so it won't be soon or anything...but much like the online lolita community, it's run its course for me. It's been a good ride, but I prefer quietly blogging about my adventures instead. It's easier to be low-key, and I like my privacy.
Anyway, it's about time to wrap things up. Thanks for reading, and for sticking around for this long!
[Current Music: Solemn Novena - Missa Solemnis]
Today I hosted my very first panel alongside Cursed Kaiser and Vudu Juju, and I'm very excited to share it with you all! Our panel is titled Gothic Lolita: A Symposium.
Bay Area Kei is a group that has been hosting online j-fashion events throughout the pandemic in an effort to keep the community connected. It's been a lot of fun tuning in when I can. For Halloween, they hosted a spooky-themed online event called Gramarye. and I were asked to do a panel about gothic lolita fashion, and we came up with the idea of doing a deep dive into the history of the entire gothic substyle. I think that the western lolita community tends to focus a lot on the kawaii, pastel, and sweet side of lolita fashion - gothic is really an afterthought to a lot of people. It was really nice to have this opportunity to share our favourite things about the gothic substyle. It's a lot more complicated than just crosses and black!
You can watch a recording of the stream here. The recording doesn't show the live chat, but we were chatting with the viewers throughout the stream. I think we hit about 150 live viewers at one point, which was pretty awesome (and nerve-wracking)!
Thanks for watching! I'd love to hear your thoughts on our panel in the comments.
[Current Music: False Figure - Morningstar]
I've been very, VERY vocal about how I feel about talking to the media. All alternative people, including lolitas, are easy targets for journalists looking for the next freakshow to parade around for their audience of, for lack of a better word, normies. One thing I've noticed over the years is that many lolitas, at least here in North America, aren't involved in any other kind of alternative subculture or fashion. They have no idea what it's like to be a punching bag for the media (example: any kid who wore lots of black and liked Slipknot post-Columbine) and tend to be extremely worried about maintaining a good public image. Goths and punks don't act like this because we already know that there's no point in explaining ourselves or defending ourselves to people who have deliberately chosen to misunderstand us.
Lolitas, especially newbies, are constantly over-explaining themselves ("I wear lolita fashion but it has nothing to do with the book or pedos!!!"), and generally try to be as friendly and approachable as possible in the eyes or normies. I feel like this constant need to explain themselves beyond "I'm a member of a Japanese fashion subculture" and the need for approval/validation from outsiders is just some form of insecurity. And obviously while I don't like seeing lolitas being publicly humiliated or portrayed as sad, damaged women, I'm also not overly concerned with what the general public thinks of us. Or of me, for that matter.
So with that in mind, it might come off as very odd that I agreed to be interviewed for Vogue's web blog...
After I posted a YouTube video about my experiences as an alternative teenager/young adult, a journalist commented and emailed, asking if I'd like to be interviewed. I was super skeptical at first and ignored the email for a while. After a week or two, I decided to respond just to feel things out. The interviewer, Janelle, was very kind and respectful. Honestly, her being a fellow Black woman did a lot to put my mind at ease. We had a good dialogue and I felt comfortable answering her questions because she focused more on my experiences as an alternative Black woman, rather than just on my being a lolita.
I'm really happy with how the article came out. Please read it and tell me your thoughts!
You can read the article here!
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| Bara no Konrei doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's aesthetically pleasing. |
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| Now you can go to the concerts you couldn't go to when you were 14! |
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| It's ok, people were confused in 2004 too. |
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| I wish Moitiรฉ would release full matching sets like this for beginners. It's hard to find perfectly matched items. |
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| Atelier Pierrot staff are so good at coordinating items that I wouldn't even think to put together! Image from from Atelier Pierrot Shinjuku's blog. |
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| Black Cat, Witch, and the Apple Tree is such a cute print! I'm hoping to find the red JSK soon. |
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| Angelic Pretty, but make it goth. |
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| One of my favourite Drusilla costumes. This looks like an I Do Declare dress! |
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| Arika Takarano of ALI PROJECT. |
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| I miss Bath and Body Works' old packaging style...the label was way cuter. |
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| An aerial shot of the Lower Don Trail. [source] |
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| My sentiments exactly. |
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| Not a great game to play alone while your dad is in the hospital. |
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| Same cryptid energy. |
